Dying To Be Thin
by xPoisonxPrincessx
Summary: Hermione had developed anorexia and it was slowly killing her. What happens when the only person who notices is the person who helped her disease to develop. HG/DM
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Hermione usually loved goin back to Hogwarts but not this year. This year it was different.  
Hermione had changed over the summer. She had changed a lot.

It had all started on the train journey home from Hogwarts at the end of her sixth year.  
Hermione was sitting in the train compartment with Harry, Ron, Ginny, Neville, Luna and to her annoyance Lavender Brown.

All of them were couples now and it angered her a lot. She really liked Ron and couldn't stand seeing him cuddled up with Lavender.  
'Why her' she thought to herself 'why Lavender'  
Feeling thoroughly uncomfortable at bein the odd one out she had decided to spend the rest of the train journey examining the couples to try and see why she was so different.  
She had been looking for a matter of seconds when Malfoy and his friends had come bursting through the compartment door.  
"Aww poor mudblood all alone are we"  
"Get lost Malfoy" she was actually shocked when Harry and Ron hadn't come to her rescue like always. Malfoy also noticed this.  
"So Potty and Weasel too busy to defend you? Well I can't say I'm suprised that they have moved on from you. Not only are you a mudblood bitch you're also fat and ugly"  
Hermione just sat there with her mouth open in shock. Was that really why Ron had chose Lavender over her? Was it also the reason her friends weren't defending her?  
"Why don't you just do us all a favour Granger and don't bother coming back next year. The halls would be so much prettier then. Thinking about it you shouldn't bother coming back either weaselette.  
Harry had finally stood up and started to launch a verbal asault at Malfoy, but it wasn't over her it was over Ginny!

Hermione sat in her room with tears pouring down her face at the memory. That had been the day that had started it. It was because of that day that she no longer ate. It was because of that day that she over exercised. It was because of that day that she couldn't even look at food without thinking about calories. It was because of that day that Hermione had given herself to Ana. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This story is about anorexia so please don't read if you are offended by it. Warning: This chapter contains tips on hiding eating disorders. Please do not read if you may be tempted to use them.  
Chapter 2

It was only two weeks into the summer holidays and most Hogwarts students were already dying to go back. Hermione wasn't one of these students. She was loving being at home. She had declined her yearly invitation to spend the holiday at the Burrow, claiming that she wanted to spend time with her family, even though they had left a week ago to go to a dentist convention in America. She didnt want to be around her so called friends. She knew they were only inviting her to be polite and she would just be ignored, untill it came to the time they finally decided to do their homework.

Hermione had just had a shower and weighed herself. She was so disapointed she had only lost 4 pounds in the last week on her juice diet.

After putting on her underwear she stood in front of the mirror poking and prodding at anything she could.  
'Urgh i'm so fat' she thought 'Malfoy was right. Well by the time we go back to school he will have to take it back'  
Hermione had decided to go shopping so she got dressed, put her hair up and put all of the things she would need into a bag. She walked to the bus stop and waited. After waiting for a few minutes she decided to walk.  
'Why am I waiting for a bus? I need the exercise I should walk.'

It took her half an hour to walk to the shopping centre. She went to the bank and withdrew some money then walked to the nearest shop. She started to examine the clothes on the rails.  
'Wow these clothes are so nice. I really like this top and that dress' she thought while picking them up and putting them over her arm.  
After gathering lots of items Hermione walked to the changing rooms to try them on. All of the clothes she had were in a size 10 and anyone who had seen her in them would have thought she looked great, but all Hermione could think was how fat she looked and how she needed to drop a dress size.

She had stood in the changing room staring at her reflection for at least 1 minutes when she decided to go and pay for the clothes. She had walked out of the changing room and was about to que up and pay for the clothes when she decided to buy them in a smaller size.  
'If I buy them a size smaller then it will give me something to work towards' she thought. 'That way I won't give up because it would be a waste of money, and I really hate wasting money'  
So Hermione swaped all of the clothes for the smaller size and took them to the till and paid.  
'Now I need make-up.'

She walked to the nearest cosmetic store and started to browse. Hermione never usually wore make-up but she had changed and wanted a new look for when she went back to school. She bought everything she thought she would need and lots of things she wanted just because they were pretty colours or sparkly. She then went on to buy shoes, more clothes and accesories.

After a long day shopping Hermione headed home. She was finding it harder to walk back as she was being weighed down by so many bags. When she finally got home she went straight upstairs and put her bags on her bed and put a CD on. Every night she would put loud music on and exercise until she felt like she would faint. That night she exercised for 2 hours before eating an apple and then colapsing into bed.

It had taken her 2 weeks to finally fit into the clothes she had bought from her shopping trip. She was so proud of her acomplishment that she had got in contact with some of her muggle friends that she hadn't spoke to in a long time and arranged to meet them for a night out. Even though they were only 17 they were planning on going to a club as if you were a girl and you were wearing a short skirt it was easy enough to get in, or so she had been told.

She had a shower and dressed in a short black dress with black shoes and silver accesories. She dried her hair and straightend it then put on some make-up. When she was done she looked in the mirror. She had been she proud when she had managed to fit into her size 6 clothes but now looking at herself she felt nothing but disgust.  
'I'm still too fat' she thought.  
She was about to go and change into something that she thought would make her look less fat when the doorbell rang.

Hermione opened the door and let her muggle friends in. Isabelle was tall with long hair that she had dyed purple, Anna was shorter than Hermione and had short brown hair and Emily was taller than Hermione but not as tall as Isabelle with shoulder length blonde hair, she was also very skinny and Hermione envied her. All three of the girls were wearing short skirts and glittery tops with heels.

After talking for a while and having a drink in the house the group set out for their local nightclub. As Anna had told her it was easy to get in the bouncers had took one look at their skimpy outfits and had let them straight in.

They had a great night talking, dancing and drinking and Hermione had even met two boys that she liked and had given them her number, even though she thought they were never going to call as she was too ugly and fat.

Hermione spent a lot of time over the holiday with her muggle friends. They had gone out clubbing a few more times as well as goin shopping a lot and spending time at Hermione's having girlie days where they would just do hair, make-up and gossip. They were having one of these days when Isabelle had started questioning Hermione about her weight loss.  
"Mione"  
"Yeah"  
"You've lost a lot of weight recently"  
"Have I?" Hermione knew she had and she was happy about it. Her size 8 clothes were too big for her now. 'A few more pounds and I will be a size 6' she thought.  
"Yeah you have. What's going on"  
"Nothing"  
"Are you eating properly"  
"Yeah I'm eating fine"  
"Then why have you lost so much weight"  
"Well I've been eating more healthy and doing more exercise"  
"Are you sure that is it?" Anna asked "You look ill"  
"Yes that is it now will you just shut up and stop asking such stupid questions!" Hermione had shouted whilst storming out of the room.

Hermione stormed downstairs into the kitchen. So was so annoyed that they had questioned her about her weight and told her she looked ill. She didn't want anyone to notice that she had lost weight, at least not untill she had reached her target weight and she definetly didn't want anyone telling her she looked ill. She was so annoyed that she opened the cupboard doors and started pulling any fatty foods out. She opened a bag of crisps and was about to eat them when Emily appeared in the doorway. "Don't" she said.  
"Don't what"  
"Don't eat them. You will only regret it and Ana will make you pay later"  
"What"  
"I know what you're going through"  
"How"  
"I have it to"  
Hermione and Emily sat in the kitchen and talked for about half an hour about their eating disorders. It turned out that Emily had been anorexic for nearly two years.  
"What caused yours?" Hermione had asked "I want to be a model. I'm never going to be a model unless i keep losing weight. please don't say anything to the others"  
"I'm not going to as long as you don't"  
They went back upstairs to the other two girls and they all sat there and talked, nobody mentioned Hermione's weight. After an hour they left to go home and Hermione, as usual put her music on loud and started to do her nightly exercise.

Hermione's parents had come home two weeks before she was due back at Hogwarts. They were so busy shouting at Hermione for dying her hair black, Isabelle had convinced her to do it, that they hadn't noticed that she had lost lots of weight.

Thankfully Emily had given Hermione lots of tips on how to hide her eating disorder from her parents.  
"Eat breakfast, if they see you eat breakfast they won't be suspicious and it gets your metabolism going, eat slowly, drink lots of water, the colder the better and sabbotage your food"  
"Sabbotage it"  
"Yeah just do stuff like add too much salt, pepper or sugar. It will make you less likely to eat it. And wear baggy clothes obviously"  
"Thanks"

Hermione had been hiding her disorder from her parents well, although they had asked her why she wasn't eating a few times. She knew it was going to be a lot harder when she got to Hogwarts.

A/N: This chapter is just to show a bit more about Hermione's eating habbits. She will be going back to Hogwarts in either the next chapter or the one after. 


	3. Chapter 3

Hermione woke up bright and early. It was mainly due to excitement but also because she was very uncomfortable as her bones were digging in to her mattress.

She was excited as it was the first day back to Hogwarts. At the beginning of the summer holidays she had been dreading it ,but thanks to Emily she knew she could go back without the fear of bingeing on the huge amounts of food that were ever present at Hogwarts meal times.

Hemione had spent a lot of time with Emily since the day in the kitchen when Emily admitted to also having an eating disorder. Well she didn't call it that as that would be admiting that she had a problem, which she didn't think she did. Hermione felt the same way. Emily's tips had helped Hermione stop her parents from becoming suspicious even though she was shrinking day by day.

'Well' Hermione thought 'may as well start getting ready seen as I'm already awake.'

Hermione jumped up out of bed and soon regretted getting up so quickly when her head started to spin and her eyes became blurry.

'Stupid dizzy spells.'

After standing still long enough for her vision to focus again Hermione skipped into the bathroom. After stripping off her clothes she stood on the scales. A huge smile appeared on her face when she looked down and saw she had lost two pounds since Friday, it was now Monday. The smile was soon replaced by a frown.

'Still not good enough.'

Hermione stepped into the shower letting the hot water soothe her aching body. She then washed herself and washed her long black hair that her parents were still angry about.

She left the bathroom and walked to her closet ,that was so full of clothes she could no longer close the door.

'Now to pick an outfit.'

Hermione had bought a lot of clothes over the holidays. They were her favorite thing, after books of course. She had never been a big fan of fashion before ,wearing what her mother would buy for her, as she felt no matter what she wore she never looked good.

'Well i have a new body now and I want to show it off. O I can't wait to see everyone's faces.'

Hermione finally decided on a pair of black skinny jeans a big white shirt and a black waist belt to pull it in and show off her tiny figure.

After dressing she set to work on her hair and make-up, something that she had never been bothered with before but she felt she needed to if she was going to win Ron back over from Lavender. She loved Ron she always had and she thought that he had felt the same about her.

'He did love me' she thought 'until he realised how fat and ugly I am. Well I'm working on it. He will love me again he has to.'

After charming her hair straight and applying her make-up naturally, apart from the red lips she was so fond of, Hermione gathered her clothes and charmed them to fold into neat piles in her trunk. She was usually packed at least two days before she returned to Hogwarts but she hadn't known what to wear this year so she had left it until the last minute. On top of her trunk she put her head girl badge. She had been shocked to receive her letter from Hogwarts telling her she was head girl. This was mainly because she had been so wrapped up in losing weight she had forgotten. It wasnt just head girl she had forgotten she had forgot a lot of things that had been extremely important to her. The thing that had shocked her the most was when she realised she hadnt done her potions essay when all of her homework was usually completed the first week of being back home. She was extremely happy to be head girl though.

'All of my hard work has finally paid off' she had thought when she had received it. She had then danced around her room with happiness until she had almost fainted so sat down.

oooooo

The Hogwarts Express stood gleaming on platform 9 and 3 quarters.

As usual Hermione was one of the first people there. She had a habit of being early for everything.

"Well bye then mom" she said whilst hugging her mother and kissing her on the cheek and then doing the same to her father.

"Bye dad."

Her parents both waved at her as she boarded the train. Her mother had tears in her eyes, she always hated saying goodbye to her daughter.

Hermione found the compartment her and her friends usually spent the journey in and sat down. The seats were extremely comfortable and Hermione soon fell asleep after taking off the big coat she had been wearing to cover herself around her parents. She hated that she was always tired but it was something she was willing to sacrifice to finally look how she wanted.

The sound of the train compartment door being opened woke Hermione.

"Well mudblood I see you didn't take my advice about not coming back this year."

Hermione stood up angrily. It was only then that Draco Malfoy looked at her appearance. He first noticed her black hair and the way it made her skin look so pale, then her hollow cheeks and sunk in eyes. His eyes then travelled down from her face to her body and he noticed how tiny she was.

"What the hell are you looking at Malfoy?" she shouted at him.

"Granger, what the hell happened to you?"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I only own the plot.

Draco POV

Draco Malfoy sat in his compartment confused and annoyed.

'Something was wrong with her, anyone could tell that, but what was it?'

He hated not knowing things and he was determined to find out exactly what it was.

--

Hermione POV

Hermione sat in the train compartment waiting for someone to come and sit with her. She didn't really want the company as she was perfectly happy to be alone, but she did want someone to take her mind off what Malfoy had said before she had finally got him to leave.

_"You can't hide your secret forever Granger. I will find out."_

The thought of anyone finding out about ana worried her but the thought of it being Malfoy made her feel physically sick.

After sitting alone and thinking for a few minutes the compartment door was thrown open.

'Please not Malfoy again' she thought as she turned to see who it was.

"Mione there you are we've been looking everywhere for you. How was your summer? Did you have fun with your parents? Wow you look loads different! Kind of ill though. Are you ok?"

"Hi Ginny.It was good and yes I did. I do feel ill." Hermione tried to answer all of Ginny's questions but she had been talking so fast she hadn't caught all of them.

"Ginny move we do want to say hello as well" came Ron's voice.

Ron and Harry walked into the compartment after Ginny had moved from blocking the door way.

"Hi Ron. Hi Harry.

"Hey Mione" they both said at the same time.

Hermione looked her friends over. Harry and Ron had both grown even taller and even more muscular. They both looked really good. Ginny on the other hand had put weight on. Quite a lot of weight. 'Too many of Mrs Weasley's dinners' she thought.

"So how was your summer boys?" Hermione asked.

"It was great. I only had to spend one week with the Dursleys, the rest I spent at the Burrow. It was a shame you couldn't come."

"Yeah it was. We all really missed you." Ron said disturbing what Harry had been saying.

"Who was at the burrow?" Hermione asked.

"Well mom and dad obviously. Me, Ron and Harry. Fred and George came to visit a lot. Bill and Fleur came as well. Lavender..." As Ginny said Lavender's name Harry and Ron both threw her a look that said shut up.

"Oh yes where is Lavender, Ron?

"Well she's probably with her friends. I don't know Mione we broke up. You were right, me and her we don't belong together."

"Took you long enough to realize."

"I know but I have now so can we just forget about it?"

"Yeah ok."

Hermione was happy to hear that Ron and Lavender had broke up and she could never say no to him when he gave her the puppy dog eyes.

"So Mione whats going on with you? I mean you look so different" Harry asked.

"Nothing is going on. I spent a lot of time with muggle friends over the holiday and they gave me a make-over."

"Well I guess that explains the black hair, the fact your wearing make-up and the new clothes but you've lost weight."

"I know I have lost weight. Its called getting healthy. Ive been eating healthy food and i have been exercising there's nothing wrong with that!" at this point Hermione was on her feet shouting at Harry "Maybe you should tell your girlfriend to try it sometime, she deffinatly needs it!"

"Miss Granger I do not expect behaviour like this from our head girl!"

"I'm sorry Professor McGonagall" Hermione said whilst looking at her feet guiltily.

"It's not me you should be apologizing to."

"Sorry Ginny I didn't mean it."

"Whatever Granger I don't care just stay away from me."

"Ok"

"Well then" Professor McGonagall said turning to Hermione "you are supposed to be in a meeting now with me and the Head Boy to discuss your duties. Follow me Miss Granger."

Hermione followed the Professor to the front of the train, neither of them speaking a word until they got to the Head's Compartment.

"Well I have some things to do Miss Granger so the Head Boy will fill you in on everything."

Hermione had spent weeks thinking about who the Head Boy could be and now she was going to find out. She slid open the door only to find the one person she had really hoped it wasn't staring back at her.

"Malfoy! No way this can't be happening!"

Hermione felt weak and dizzy. She had been shouting too much already that day.

"Well Granger it is happening so maybe you should sit down, shut up and listen to what you would have found out earlier if you had bothered to turn up."

"Ok."

Hermione couldn't be bothered to argue anymore and she really needed to sit down. She could feel her legs buckling underneath her. She took a step forwards towards the chair when she felt herself falling. The last thing she heard was Malfoy asking her if she was ok before everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

Draco POV

"Granger. Granger get up. Come on"

'I, Draco Malfoy am on my knees in a train compartment touching a mudblood!'

Draco was poking Hermione in the side to try and wake her.

'I cant believe it. If father was to see me I would be dead.'

Slowly the witch on the floor started to stir.

"What happened?" Hermione asked whilst sitting up and looking around in confusion.

"You fainted" Draco replied.

"Oh."

"Well if you don't mind getting up off the floor we're going to be at Hogwarts soon and I've still got to tell you everything that you missed."

I watched as she tried to pull her self up from the ground. She was struggling a lot and I wasn't suprised when I saw her arms. They were just bone from the look of it.

"Do you need some help?" I asked worried that I would be waiting all day for her to get up.

"I can manage" Granger said whilst glaring at me "I don't need your help."

"Well hurry up then I have better things to do than stay here with you."

She finally managed to pull her self up and sit on a chair.

'She looks exhausted after that.'

Hermione POV

"Well can we get this over with then" I asked him. 'Why is he staring at me.'

"Yeah sure. Just shut up and listen then" he told me very rudely.

"Well as you probably already know we have to organize the prefects, hold meetings, give them patrolling times stuff like that really. We also have the power to give detentions. Ermm we have to organize balls, the first one is Halloween so we should start doing that soon. Well I can't remember everything right now so I will tell you anything else when we get to Hogwarts."

"Ok"

"One more thing. Promise you aren't going to faint again?"

"Yes." 'Urgh how annoying. I fainted once and now he's going to keep bringing it up.'

"We have to share living quarters."

"What?" 'Oh god living with Malfoy. I think I am going to faint.'

"Well I'm not happy about it either, but if you stay out of my way I'm sure it will be fine."

--

The first years had been sorted and then the bit Hermione had been dreading the most came.

"Dig in" Dumbeldore said after his speech.

The tables filled with every kind of food you could think of. The smell was delicious and made Hermione's insides cripple with pain.

The feast.

She had been living on so little for the past three months that she knew it would be hard to control herself around all of that food, especially when she could remember how great it was, but she prayed to Ana for strength.

Harry and Ginny were both glaring at her from the other side of the Gryffindor table and Lavender and Pavarti had sat next to her.

"Wow you look great Mione" Lavender turned to her as soon as the Headmaster had sat down. Pavarti noded her head to agree whilst Ginny gave a very unladylike snort.

"Thanks" Hermione smiled at them hoping they would leave her alone.

"So how did you do it? What made you change?" She should have known that they wouldn't just leave it at that. She was going to be stuck speaking to them all through out the feast now telling them the lies she had practiced so much that she even believed them herself.

'Well at least this might be a distraction from all the food' she thought whilst holding her stomach that was causing her so much pain.

"Nothing. I just started to exercise and eat more healthy."

"I can tell you look good. Why the change of hairstyle though?" Pavarti asked looking at Hermione's newly dyed hair.

"And the new clothes. I saw you on the platform earlier and your outfit was amazing" Lavender asked shoving a fork of potatoes into her mouth.

"Well the hair was my muggle friends idea. They all have really good hair so when they asked to do mine I agreed. And the clothes well none of my old stuff fits me anymore and I was getting bored of them. I thought it was time for a change." Mione put a few pieces of lettuce onto her plate and started to push them around.

As she had expected Lavender and Pavarti's constant questioning lasted the remainder of the feast. Hermione was happy as she had only eaten a bit of lettuce as talking had kept her busy and distracted other people from noticing.

--

"Well I guess this is it then" Malfoy said looking at the portrait in front of him.

The portrait was of a young boy and girl sitting under a tree, they were both wearing Hogwarts robes and had their Head badges pinned to the front. They were the first Head boy and girl of Hogwarts.

"Password?" the boy asked.

"What do you want it to be?" Hermione asked " Nothing to do with quidditch though." She put in. Malfoy gave her an annoyed look.

"Well I don't know then. Why can't it be something to do with quidditch?"  
Hermione just rolled her eyes at him.

"Well how about unanimitatis?" Hermiuone asked him.

"Fine. I didn't know you could speak Latin."

"There's a lot you don't know about me Malfoy."  
"Well like I said on the train I'm going to find out."  
"You are going to be sorely disappointed when you realize there is nothing to find."  
Hermione turned away from him so he couldn't see the worried look that passed over her face. He was a Malfoy and they always managed to get there way in the end, she was determined he wouldn't this time.

"Unanimitatis" Hermiuone said to the portrait. It swung open and she climbed through the portrait hole into the room she would be sharing with Malfoy. What she thought of as her own personal hell.

A/N Sorry it's taken so long to update but I've been really busy with revision. Have so many exams eek! Wish me luck :)

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, you made my day.

Unanimitatis means unanimity of purpose.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thoughts in italics, writing in bold

Draco's POV

_It had been over a month since I had last spoke to Granger. I tried to talk to her on numerous occasions. I had tried starting arguments and even being nice but she never responded. It's like she doesn't have the energy anymore. Her hand doesn't even go up to every question asked in class. It was when I noticed this that I noticed something was wrong._

_It was during a charms class in the first week back. Flitwick had to ask his question three times before she noticed he was talking to her_

_I wish I knew what it was. It would make good blackmail material. Even just having the old Granger back would be better than the lifeless zombie that patrolled the hallways with me and shared my living quarters. If I didn't know any better I would think she was an inferi._

_I had just arrived back at the common room when I noticed Granger asleep on the sofa. _

"Granger get up, I want to sit there."

_She didn't move so I drew closer. I thought about shaking her when I noticed she was holding something. It wasn't a school book so I took it and settled down on one of the chairs that aren't as comfortable as the sofa, damn Granger._

_Yessss!! This is exactly what I need, her diary._

_**6**__**th**__** September**_

**Letter from Ana: ******

**Allow me to introduce myself. My name, or as I am called by so called "doctors", is Anorexia. Anorexia Nervosa is my full name, but you may call me Ana. Hopefully we can become great partners. In the coming time, I will invest a lot of time in you, and I expect the same from you. In the past you have heard all of your teachers and parents talk about you. You are "so mature", "intelligent", "14 going on 45", and you possess "so much potential". Where has that gotten you, may I ask? Absolutely no where! You are not perfect, you do not try hard enough, further more you waste your time on thinking and talking with friends and drawing! Such acts of indulgence shall not be allowed in the future. ******

**Your friends do not understand you. They are not truthful. In the past, when the insecurity has quietly gnawed away at your mind, and you asked them, "Do I look....fat?" and they answered "Oh no, of course not" you knew they were lying! Only I tell the truth. Your parents, let's not even go there! You know that they love you, and care for you, but part of that is just that they are your parents and are obligated to do so. I shall tell you a secret now: deep down inside themselves, they are disappointed with you. Their daughter, the one with so much potential, has turned into a fat, lazy, and undeserving girl. ******

**But I am about to change all that. I will expect you to drop your calorie intake and up your exercise. I will push you to the limit. You must take it because you cannot defy me! I am beginning to imbed myself into you. Pretty soon, I am with you always. I am there when you wake up in the morning and run to the scale. The numbers become both friend and enemy, and the frenzied thoughts pray for them to be lower than yesterday, last night, etc. You look into the mirror with dismay. You prod and poke at the fat that is there, and smile when you come across bone. I am there when you figure out the plan for the day: 400 calories, 2 hours exercise. I am the one figuring this out, because by now my thoughts and your thoughts are blurred together as one. I follow you throughout the day. In school, when your mind wanders, I give you something to think about. Recount the calories for the day. It's too much. I fill your mind with thoughts of food, weight, calories, and things that are safe to think about. Because now, I am already inside of you. I am in your head, your heart, and your soul. The hunger pains you pretend not to feel is me, inside of you. ******

**Pretty soon I am telling you not only what to do with food, but what to do ALL of the time. Smile and nod. Present yourself well. Suck in that fat stomach, damn it! God, you are such a fat cow!!!! When mealtimes come around I tell you what to do. I make a plate of lettuce seem like a feast fit for a king. Push the food around. Make it look like you've eaten something. No piece of anything...if you eat, all the control will be broken...do you WANT that?? To revert back to the fat COW you once were?? I force you to stare at magazine models. Those perfect skinned, white teethed, waifish models of perfection staring out at you from those glossy pages. I make you realize that you could never be them. You will always be fat and never will you be as beautiful as they are. When you look in the mirror, I will distort the image. I will show you obesity and hideousness. I will show you a sumo wrestler where in reality there is a starving child. But you must not know this, because if you knew the truth, you might start to eat again and our relationship would come crashing down. ******

**Sometimes you will rebel. Hopefully not often though. You will recognize the small rebellious fiber left in your body and will venture down to the dark kitchen. The cupboard door will slowly open, creaking softly. Your eyes will move over the food that I have kept at a safe distance from you. You will find your hands reaching out, lethargically, like a nightmare, through the darkness to the box of crackers. You shove them in, mechanically, not really tasting but simply relishing in the fact that you are going against me. You reach for another box, then another, then another. Your stomach will become bloated and grotesque, but you will not stop yet. And all the time I am screaming at you to stop, you fat cow, you really have no self control, and you are going to get fat. ******

**When it is over you will cling to me again, ask me for advice because you really do not want to get fat. You broke a cardinal rule and ate, and now you want me back. I'll force you into the bathroom, onto your knees, staring into the void of the toilet bowl. Your fingers will be inserted into your throat, and, not without a great deal of pain, your food binge will come up. Over and over this is to be repeated, until you spit up blood and water and you know it is all gone. When you stand up, you will feel dizzy. Don't pass out. Stand up right now. You fat cow you deserve to be in pain! Maybe the choice of getting rid of the guilt is different. Maybe I chose to make you take laxatives, where you sit on the toilet until the wee hours of the morning, feeling your insides cringe. Or perhaps I just make you hurt yourself; bang your head into the wall until you receive a throbbing headache. Cutting is also effective. I want you to see your blood, to see it fall down your arm, and in that split second you will realize you deserve whatever pain I give you. You are depressed, obsessed, in pain, hurting, reaching out but no one will listen? Who cares!! You deserve this you brought this upon yourself. ******

**Oh, is this harsh? Do you not want this to happen to you? Am I unfair? I do things that will help you. I make it possible for you to stop thinking of emotions that cause you stress. Thoughts of anger, sadness, desperation, and loneliness can cease because I take them away and fill your head with the methodical calorie counting. I take away your struggle to fit in with kids your age, the struggle of trying to please everyone as well. Because now, I am your only friend, and I am the only one you need to please. I have a weak spot. But we must not tell anyone. If you decide to fight back, to reach out to someone and tell them about how I make you live, all hell will break lose. No one must find out, no one can crack this shell that I have covered you with. I have created you, this thin, perfect, achieving child. You are mine and mine alone. Without me, you are nothing. So do not fight back. When others comment, ignore them. Take it into stride, forget about them, and forget about everyone that tries to take me away. I am your greatest asset, and I intend to keep it that way. ******

**Sincerely, ******

**Ana**

**My name is Hermione Granger and I am a fat, disgusting, worthless excuse of a human being. I pledge to change this. Over the summer I have eaten as little as possible and have found that I love the feeling of it. I love waking up with my stomach empty, light headed with hunger pains. All of this means that my plan to change is working. I use the scales to see this. If I have gained weight then I starve for the day and if I have lost weight I also starve, no point breaking a good habit. I have no friends but I don't need them, all I need is Ana. **

**For the first time in my life I am thankful to Draco Malfoy. It took a comment from him to show me the truth about myself. If it wasn't for him I would still be the same girl who never once counted calories, putting all that disgusting food into my body.**

_I had to stop reading there. I feel sick. It's my fault that she wasting away from some muggle disease. It suddenly makes sense why she is never in the Great Hall for meals, why she never has energy and why her clothes hang off her. For the first time in my life I felt guilt. I have to help her._

A/N: Well it has been ages since I wrote anything for this story. How shocked were you to find this? This chapter is short but all my other ideas took too long for Draco to find out about Hermione having anorexia. Have lots of ideas now that he does.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N Sorry it has taken so long. I had just about given up on this story until I read all of your reviews again 

Hermione POV

I woke up from my position on the common room sofa and instantly knew something was wrong. I could feel Malfoy staring at me. It was starting to freak me out, but I was much too tired to take a confrontation with him.

After realising he wasn't going to give up I turned to face him.

"What do you want Malfoy? Are you going to tell me or just keep staring at me?"

He hesitated in answering me, so I took the time he was collecting his thoughts to look at him. He looked really troubled over something and surprisingly I found myself thinking he was quite good looking, when he wasn't sneering at me. I then mentally kicked myself for ever thinking that.

He took a deep breath then pulled my diary out from behind his back.

"I know I shouldn't have read it but I needed to know what was wrong with you."

"How dare you go through my personal things. Who the hell do you think you are Malfoy? If I wanted you to have known what was wrong with me then I would have told you, but as it goes you are the last person on earth I would share my secrets with. You are cruel and heartless just like your father, and now you know the one thing about me that nobody else was ever going to know. What are you going to do now? Are you going to go and tell all your little Slytherin friends?"

"Hermione, please. I'm not going to tell anyone. Do you really think I want everyone to know? After you so clearly said, in that diary, this is my entire fault? The last thing I need is getting into more trouble over you."

I didn't know what to say mostly because he had used my first name.

"Look I will keep your little secret but under one condition."

"And what is that Malfoy?"

"You have to get better. You are a smart girl. You must be able to see what you are doing to yourself."

I threw him my best dirty look possible. "Do you really think it will be that easy? I can't just switch it off. Besides I don't want to get better as you put it. There is nothing wrong with me."

"You can't honestly say there is nothing wrong with you. Have you seen yourself recently? You look like a walking corpse. The old Hermione would have been too smart to do something like this."

"I would have thought you would have loved me not being the top of the class anymore. Your daddy must be so proud of you for finally beating the mudblood."

He turned to me and sneered. Finally it seemed that the old Malfoy was coming back. He looked deep in thought then his face softened. I knew I had hit a nerve though when he reverted to using my last name again.

"Look Granger I'm going to help you, whether you want me to or not. Now get up, we are going down to the kitchens."

Draco POV

It took me threatening to carry her to the hospital wing and telling Madam Pomfrey she had fainted again to finally convince her to come down to the kitchens. She had agreed but was far from happy about it. She complained all the way down and I could hear her insulting me under her breath.

We finally got to the portrait that was the entrance and after tickling the pear we were met by the smell of food being cooked and the sight of house elves running in every direction.

One of the house elves came to greet us and asked what it could get for us.

"Nothing for me thanks but get this girl anything she asks for please."

"I'm not hungry Malfoy I don't want to eat for the sake of it."

"Granger you haven't been at a single meal today and you missed half of your classes to sleep so don't tell me you aren't hungry. I don't care what you have but you will eat something."

"What are you going to do hold me down and force feed me?"

"Nope but I'm still not against taking you to the hospital wing. I'm sure there you will be force fed and you won't have a choice of what it is either."

She stared at me defiantly but she knew I had won.

"Fine I will have a salad then but I don't want any dressing."

The house elf ran to go prepare her meal while another one came to show us to a table. By the time we sat her salad was on the table.

She looked at it for a while before starting to just push it round her plate. I just sat watching her every move. After about 5 minutes of watching her play with the same lettuce leaf it got boring.

"Are you actually going to eat that or are you just going to play with it?"

"I already told you I'm not hungry."

"Look Granger this is getting boring now so just eat it."

Slowly she lifted a forkful of food to her mouth. She hesitated then took a small bite. She looked like she was about to cry and I actually felt bad about making her do it but I just reminded myself over and over that it was for her own good.

It took her nearly an hour in total to eat her small plate of food and by the time we got back to the common room she was so tired that she fell asleep within seconds of sitting in an arm chair.

I lifted her and started to carry her to her room. She would be much more comfortable in her bed. It didn't feel like I was carrying a person, she was much too light. It worried me just how much weight she had lost. I could feel her bones digging into my arms as I carried her. Finally I got to her room and placed her in bed and removed her shoes. I then went to my own room and got into bed.

I lay in bed for long time, thinking about how I could have not noticed earlier that Hermione was anorexic. It was glaringly obvious.

I was thankful that she had fallen straight to sleep when we got back. I don't think I could have been able to stand trying to convince her to not go and make herself sick. It would bring back too many memories of all the times I tried to convince mother not to do it. The time we spent in the kitchen was a bad enough reminder of my mothers own battle with food and my battle to save her.

I don't know how long my mother had been anorexic for. As far back as I can remember she always had an obsession with everything being perfect. I think it came with the job of being a trophy wife. I noticed when I was young that she never seemed to eat, but I thought it was normal. It wasn't until I started to stay with friends that I realised it wasn't. My father was a complete ass to her and constantly insulted her on anything. I blame him for what happened to her. She lost so much weight for so much time, that after me her body couldn't cope with having anymore children. She had always wanted a big family and my father had wanted more heirs, to carry on his name and to offer up for service to the dark lord. This caused more problems between them and now its very rare father will even come home of a night. After years of abusing her body she finally sought out help and was hospitalized. She won't be allowed out until she regains a normal weight but after so many years of eating as little as possible she is finding it hard. Tears fell down my face as I thought of my last visit to her in that horrible place. It was just before the start of the new school year. We spoke for a while but my eyes always seemed to glance to the tube inserted in her stomach that was used to feed her. Laying in that bed she was no longer the beautiful perfect woman she had always been when I was growing up. Her hair was thinning, her skin was dry and she looked so tired. When it came to time for me to leave she got really upset. She just kept on crying and begging me to take her with me. She promised me she would get better if I took her home. It killed me to leave her there.

I always promised myself I would be nothing like my father and finding out I helped to cause Hermione's disease made me feel sick. I would not let her end up like my mother. This one I would save, somehow.

A/N this chapter is pretty short but I think it helps to explain Draco's behaviour towards Hermione. Not sure I like it though.


	8. Chapter 8

Hermione pov

I was surprised to wake up and find myself in my own bed. I don't remember how I got up here. I don't care enough to think about it. All I can think about is the food I ate last night. I need to get rid of the calories somehow. It was too late to purge, the food would have already been digested. Lying here in bed I can feel the fat slowly making its way to my stomach and thighs. I decide to get up and go for a run around the grounds. I don't care that I haven't showered or that I'm still wearing yesterday's clothes, I need it gone. I grab my running shoes and make my way down the several stair cases of Hogwarts.

It's early. Much too early for anyone to be up and walking around yet, of which I'm very thankful. I don't want anyone to see how huge I've gotten overnight. It is cold in the castle and even colder outside but I'm always cold now. I stretch my legs out and then I start running. I run until I can't run anymore and collapse underneath a tree by the lake. Damn you Malfoy.

I hate Draco Malfoy more than ever. How could this be happening to me? He makes out like he wants to help me but I'm smart enough to know he just wants to see me suffer. If he really wanted to help me he would continue to remind me how fat and ugly I am like he has been doing for the past six years. Thinking about how he forced me to eat in the kitchens last night brings angry tears to my eyes. I sit and cry for a while thoughts of food, Malfoy, Harry, Ron, Ginny, classes and homework going round and round in my head. I don't really feel bad about what I said to Ginny but I do really miss my two best friends. I should apologize. That way I would be spending more time with my friends and less time around Malfoy.

Malfoy. Why do my thoughts have to keep coming back to him? Stupid ferret. I'm going to have to be sneakier now so Malfoy will think that I'm ok and will leave me alone. I should probably start today with breakfast. I could apologize to Ginny at breakfast as well.

I make my way back up to my common room. By the time I get there I am exhausted. I want to go back to bed and sleep but I know I can't. Malfoy has to believe that I'm getting better. It's still early and luckily Malfoy is still in bed so he won't know about my run. After showering, weighing myself and getting dressed I start to apply make up for the day. I haven't bothered with make up since I have got back to Hogwarts feeling much too tired to care how I look. All that matters is how thin I am. It surprises me to see how much make up I have to apply just to make myself look alive. I know that I look ill, but that voice in my head is drowned out by another stronger voice, telling me how fat I am and how loosing just another few pounds will make me happy and beautiful. By the time I have done all of this it is time to head down for breakfast.

The smell of food hits me as I enter the Great Hall and my insides cripple in pain reminding me how hungry I am. I want to run away and keep on running until I am far away from all that food, from any food. I can't run though. Several people have turned to look at me, just standing in the entrance to the hall. More people turn to stare and the whispering starts. I start to back away from the room until I spot Malfoy at the Slytherin table staring at me. I have to do this. I have to get him to leave me alone. I hold my head up and walk to the Gryffindor table and sit in the empty seat next to Ron.

"Mione" I turn to face Ron who is looking at me like he has seen a ghost. Well actually you see ghosts here very often so it's not all that surprising.

"Yes Ronald?"

"What are you doing down here? You never come for meals?"

"I know. I've just been so busy recently with all this N.E.W.T work as well as all my head girl duties."

"So you've been too busy to eat?"

"Looks like it to me." Harry hadn't taken his eyes off me since I sat down but has only just decided to talk.

"You are both being ridiculous. There is a kitchen in my new common room. It's easier to eat there and there is a lot less noise so I can work while eating." The lie sounded convincing even to me.

"You have a kitchen? So you can have food whenever you want?" Trust Ron to be so excited about the idea of food anytime that he forgets he is meant to be angry with me.

"Yeah, I would invite you to see it but me and Malfoy have agreed that neither of us will have people over. As much as I would like to show you guys the heads common room I think going to Gryffindor tower is a small sacrifice for not having to be around Parkinson any more than necessary. "

Ron and Harry both laughed and nodded in agreement. We continued to talk for a while about classes, homework and how awful it was that I have to live with Malfoy. I could tell that Ginny had finally made an appearance when the conversation stopped abruptly.

"What is she doing here?" The way Ginny asked the question told me that unlike Harry and Ron she had not forgotten about my comment.

"Ginny I'm so sorry about what I said to you." No I'm not. "I don't know why I said those things to you." Because they are true. "You are a beautiful girl and I guess I was just jealous of you." Like I would be jealous of someone who obviously doesn't understand, nothing tastes as good as thin feels. Obviously with Ginny flattery gets you everywhere, as she soon accepted my apology and, unfortunately, continued to talk to me throughout the rest of breakfast.

I had managed to get through breakfast with only eating a handful of dry cereal. All of the drama helped to distract from the fact that I wasn't eating.

The day passed quickly with Ron and Harry to talk to, it passed too quickly. It was time for dinner all too soon. I had managed to escape lunch by going to the library but I couldn't miss two meals in one day with Malfoy watching. I had found him staring at me several times throughout the day, almost as if to warn me that he was keeping a close eye on me.

I sat with Harry, Ron, Ginny and Neville throughout the meal. Neville was still dating Luna who also came to join us after a while. I piled my plate with pasta and salad. I pushed it around my plate for a while whilst talking about the huge DADA essay Snape had set us to do. I looked up to see Malfoy staring at me intently, yet again. Putting some pasta onto my fork I raised it to my mouth and ate it while looking directly at him, he just quirked his eyebrow in response and carried on eating and talking to his friends, if you could actually call them that.

I ate a few more small bites then made my excuses and got up to leave. I knew I would have to purge after that so checking to see that Malfoy was still in the Great Hall I headed towards the common room.

Draco POV

I saw her get up from across the room and look towards where I was sitting nervously. I waited until she left the Great Hall before I got up to follow her.

"Where are you going Drakey? I wanted you to come back to the dungeons with me. I've missed you terribly."

"I'm busy Pansy."

I didn't even wait for her reply before I left to follow Granger. She would be heading to the common room. The girl's bathroom wouldn't be private enough for her. I knew what she was going to do. I had seen that look too many times on mothers face after meals. I will get to the common room before her though, I'm quicker and I know the secret passages.

I got to the common room quickly and I knew there was no way she could have beaten me up here. I sat in a chair and waited.

Hermione POV

Why are there so many stairs in this place? By the time I reached the common room my legs felt as though they were going to give way underneath me. I gave the password to the portrait and walked into the common room.

"What the hell are you doing up here Malfoy? Did you follow me up here?"

"Actually yes I did follow you up here Granger."

"Why on earth would you do that you creepy stalker? You are meant to hate me Malfoy or have you forgotten that I'm an annoying, know it all mudblood?"

"I had to follow you to stop you. I know that you were going to go throw up the little food you ate."

How does he know that? Since when did Draco Malfoy become some sort of expert on eating disorders?

"I wasn't going to do anything other than do my homework in peace but obviously that isn't going to happen now. Thanks for ruining what was a good day."

"Please Granger do you think I'm stupid?" Yes I do actually. "You spent lunch in the library so what were you doing if not your homework? You barely ate very little at dinner and even less at breakfast. You are trying to make me believe that you are getting better but you aren't. I thought you were supposed to be the smartest witch of our generation? You were going to come up here and make yourself throw up and don't try to deny it. I'm not going to just sit here and let that happen."

Angry frustrated tears were pouring down my face after his little speech. I'm so angry that he thinks he can tell me what to do. I'm angry that the longer he keeps me talking the more calories my body will absorb. Most of all I'm angry that he can see straight through me.

"Why do you even care Malfoy?"

"I'm not going to let you die Hermione."

"Why? It will just save you the job of you or your beloved dark lord doing it later. You don't care about me Malfoy."

"Believe it or not Granger I'm not the evil bastard everyone seems to think I am. I'm not a death eater and I never will be. I know I've been awful to you in the past but I had to be. You try having a father like mine. What I don't get is you have a loving family, friends who actually care about you and a bright future, yet you are willing to throw it all away for some disease. You can fight and you can beat it."

"You don't know anything about me. Don't tell me what I can and can't do.

Somehow during our shouting match we had moved from opposite ends of the room and were practically touching noses. We were both silent and breathing heavily glaring into each other's eyes. He was moving closer and closer to me. His lips were touching mine.

"I'm going to save you Granger" he whispered against my lips then he kissed me. He kissed me with more passion than anyone has ever kissed me before. I was shocked but what shocked me even more was that I was kissing him back.


End file.
